Whenever my boyfriend and I have sex, why does it still hurt me? I'm not a virgin. I haven't been for three years. He thinks it's because I don't know how to relax. What do you think? I need help! from Anonymous
My instinct is to tell you that you are not giving enough attention to foreplay. I want to be careful not to chastise your boyfriend in my comments, but I will rebuke what he has told you. In my humble opinion, its HIS job to make you relaxed. From these three lines you have given me, I would say that he is letting you down in this aspect.
Unlike a vagina, the penis does not need any kind of “preparation” for intercourse. It can be ready within seconds and most times, out of just anticipation. On the contrary, women need some dedication before you allow us in. From my experiences, I have learned that the more attention I give to foreplay, the more “relaxed” my partner becomes.
I´ve noticed that orgasms tend to be much stronger and longer when the woman I am with is “teased” and turned on for a longer period of time. There are situations that penetration is merely for the finishing touch. When we have edged ourselves long enough and cumming is too imminent. Then we will finish the night as one.
Foreplay is everything you do before penetration; kissing, touching, oral sex, mutual masturbation, watching each other masturbate, nipple sucking/kissing/pulling/pinching… some enjoy spanking each other, tying each other up…
Bottom line, if you create a rule that your pussy must dripping lust, and that your lips must be swollen to the point where just touching it causes a jolt through your senses… I can (almost) guarantee your intercourse experience will be completely different.
Enjoy the process… Cumming is consequence of love well made.
Hope this helped.